


i'll meet you there, eventually

by spooky_mulder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Break Up, Pre-X-Files Revival, The X-Files Revival, mulder goes to therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 04:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spooky_mulder/pseuds/spooky_mulder
Summary: This starts a few months after Mulder and Scully broke up so buckle up bc it's gonna be an angsty ride y'all





	i'll meet you there, eventually

**Author's Note:**

> tags will be updated as more of the fic is written! also the title of this fic is a reference to the song happy life by roland faunte

**DECEMBER 2013**

Once again, he had let his hair and beard grow long. Even he should have seen that as a sign that his couple year high was long over. He could only pretend for so long that he was happy. It wasn’t Scully he was unhappy with. His love for her hadn’t faded even for a second. There was very little, or anything at all that could make him love her any less. But his need to continue searching for the truth had consumed him once again. In the back of his head, he was constantly being nagged with thoughts that there were still answers out there to be found. That he needed to do a little more searching and he’d finally understand it all.

This time around was different though. There wasn’t some case to sate his appetite for the truth and hold him over until the next one. This time around, it cost him the one thing he thought was invincible. She had been his constant, his touchstone for twenty years and now it felt like he had nothing left to continue going on for.

Scully packed a few bags of her things, enough to last her a couple weeks until she could find a place to rent. Part of him was glad she didn’t completely move out, but part of him hated the constant reminder of her everywhere. He thought she’d be back for the rest of her things eventually, especially her clothes, but weeks turned into months and she never showed up. Her things still being in their home was the small sliver of hope that she’d come back to him one day.

At least until she showed up to collect the rest of her belongings. He had a feeling she’d be back for her clothes soon since it was now winter and most of her sweaters were still in the closet. Or maybe that feeling was just hope that he’d get to see her again.

 

* * *

 

Scully was partially dreading going to their house to collect the rest of her things, but it needed to get done to prove to herself and to Mulder she was serious about them splitting up. She kept the feelings deep inside, but it was just as hard on her as it was for him. There had been several times she felt so lonely that she was close to moving back in. If she did that though, she knew the cycle would only continue. They would be happy for a short period of time before they were making each other miserable again. If she were ever going to go back to him, the timing would have to be absolutely right.

When she pulled into the driveway, she shut off the car and sat for a few minutes in the silence waiting to find the courage to just get out and get it over with. They had hardly even spoken since she moved out and she could hardly blame Mulder for ignoring her calls. He did pick up more than he did closer to the break up though, so it was at least some progress. She only hoped it wouldn’t be like this between them forever because she still considered him to be her best friend and hoped one day things could return to at least semi-normal between them.

When she knocked on the door and Mulder answered, her heart dropped into her stomach. Feeling the pang in her heart was manageable when she was only hearing his voice on the phone, but seeing him in person again nearly killed her and she hated that she couldn’t bring herself to hug him in greeting.

“Hey, Mulder.” She spoke with a soft voice, afraid if she spoke any louder, it would be evident how shaken she was.

“Scully.” His voice was flat and emotionless, making her bring her brows together as another pain shot through her chest. He looked thinner and had bags under his eyes that suggested he hadn’t slept in days. She couldn’t do much about the fact that he looked tired, but she was glad she brought food to make for dinner.

He stepped aside to let her into their home and she kicked off her shoes by the door since they were covered in snow. The door was closed behind her and he immediately went back to his office to continue whatever it was he was working on, leaving her alone in the living room.

Scully stood awkwardly by the door for a moment, feeling upset and confused by Mulder’s greeting. She wasn’t expecting a big, warm welcome, but didn’t think he’d be so cold toward her. She took a deep breath in to keep her emotions in check and walked to the kitchen to put the food in the fridge.

Before heading to the bedroom, she looked over at Mulder in his office and watched him for a few seconds. It seemed like he would be in front of the computer the entire time it took her to pack up her winter clothes.

Scully closed the door behind her, wanting at least some bit of privacy while she packed and wanted to make sure she was being quiet in case Mulder was actually working on something. He already seemed irritated with her being there, so she didn’t want to make the situation any worse by being loud. She looked around the room and noticed that nothing had changed. Her things were all in the same places but with a layer of dust now on top. It even looked like Mulder still only slept on his side of the bed since the blanket on her side was flat and smooth. Sighing first, she heaved her empty suitcase onto the bed and laid it open.

She opened up her closet door and besides a few of the hangers missing (he was always stealing hangers from her closet), it looked untouched. Frowning slightly, she reached out and ran her fingers down the sleeve of the Knicks hoodie Mulder bought her long ago. _It wouldn’t hurt to take this along_. She tugged it off the hanger and turned to put it in her suitcase.

It turned out she had a lot of memories attached to her clothes. Or she was only being nostalgic for the time when they were happy with each other. She hadn’t quite decided which was the truth. Because she couldn’t find the emotional support she needed in Mulder, she took out her phone and dialed her mother’s number.

“Hey, Mom?” Her voice was already shaky, “Can we talk? I’m not doing so great right now.”

 

* * *

 

Even with the fact that he knew Scully would be coming over to collect her clothes, he still felt blindsided by seeing her at the door. They hadn’t been away from each other for this long since he had to disappear, but this time was arguably more painful. Back then, he knew they’d be reunited eventually. He had something to hope for, unlike their current situation.

He wasn’t doing much of anything on his computer while she was in their bedroom packing. He was only pretending to be working on something while he was actually distracted by thoughts of her. It was easier to pretend he didn’t miss her when she wasn’t at the house. But with her just in the other room, looking as beautiful as she always did, he missed her so bad that he could hardly breathe.

Mulder got up from his chair and crossed the house to the bedroom. Just as he lifted his hand to reach for the doorknob, he could hear that Scully was on the phone with her mom and decided the apology for his behavior could come later.

He knew it wasn’t right to listen in on the phone call, but curiosity got the best of him. Her voice was faint, but he could still make out at least some of the conversation.

 _“No, Mom… it’s fine. He’s… I don’t know. He’s being cold toward me.”_ Scully was silent while Maggie spoke, the only sound he could hear was her pulling clothes from the hangers. _“I wish you were here, too. Maybe we can get dinner tomorrow and talk about it? ….Okay I’ll see you tomorrow then. Love you, Mom.”_

With a soft sigh, he walked away from the door and back to his computer to at least attempt to get something done while she finished packing.

 

* * *

 

When Scully came out of the bedroom, she was not surprised to see that Mulder was still sitting in front of the computer, but now he was intently typing. Maybe he was actually working on something instead of deeply searching forums for a sign of something.

She didn’t bother to tell him that she was going to start cooking dinner since she didn’t think he’d come out of the office anyway until the meal was ready.

But when she started to chop up the vegetables, Mulder actually emerged from his desk and joined her in the kitchen. “Do you need any help?” She paused to look up at him and nodded slowly before answering his question, “Um, sure. Could you cut the chicken please?” She motioned toward the fridge with the knife before going back to chopping the vegetables.

They stayed silent while they both worked up until she began to saute the vegetables. Mulder leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest while he watched her cook.

“I’m sorry for the way I answered the door. It’s just—“

She cut him off by holding up her hand, “Mulder, it’s okay. I understand I’m fairly low on the list of people you’d like to see these days.”

He shrugged, “That still doesn’t give me the right to act that way.”

“No it doesn’t, but it’s alright.” She looked up and into his eyes, hating that her heart fluttered then. Her voice was firm with a slight quiver at the end when she repeated, “It’s alright.” She had to look away then and focus back on the pan because she could feel her throat getting tight as she fought back her tears.

“You don’t need to lie to me, Dana.”

The use of her first name was what broke her. Her shoulders shook and she let out a single sob. Quickly, she took the pan off the stove and muttered, “Dinner is ready,” before taking a few steps away from him.

Of course he followed after her, there was no avoiding that. “Dana, I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate myself everyday for hurting you.” This apparently wasn’t just about the situation at the front door anymore. There was some hesitation before he put his hand on her back and rubbed up and down softly. She was so touch starved that she couldn’t stop herself from leaning back into his hand. After a few seconds, she turned toward him and burrowed her face between his arm and torso. Mulder rested his cheek against her head and wrapped his arms around her tightly. Scully stood there in his arms crying for a few minutes, her face in her hands so he couldn’t fully see her. She hadn’t allowed herself to cry over Mulder for a few weeks, but hearing his voice and what he was saying to her suddenly became all too much.

 _Get it together, Dana_. This trip wasn’t meant to turn out like this. It was probably a mistake even bringing them something to make for dinner when she should have just left after packing her clothes. So after she wiped the tears from her cheeks and stepped away from him, she said in a firm voice. “It’s okay, Mulder. I promise. Can we just eat dinner now?”

He answered her question by walking to the cabinet and pulling out two plates. He began spooning their meal onto the plates and handed hers over. Instead of going to the table, he sat on the couch in front of the TV and turned it on. “One of my old favorite movies is on tonight.”

“Oh, okay.” Scully hovered over by the dining room table before she decided to join him on the couch.

They sat silently as they began eating their dinner with eyes glued to the screen even though it was only commercials. Hating the silence, she asked, “Let me guess... _Plan 9 From Outer Space_?”

“Bingo.” He cracked his first smile all evening.

“How many--”

“Sixty-two now.”

It was her turn to finally smile, “Some things never change, do they?”

Mulder took a large bite of chicken and spoke with his mouth full, “Guess not.” Her smile grew wider and she rolled her eyes. The movie started then and she lost Mulder's attention.

 

* * *

 

Their dinners were finished and plates were on the coffee table next to their propped up feet. Mulder was painfully aware of the fact that Scully sat just far enough away so they wouldn’t have the risk of touching each other while watching the movie. Even before they were a couple, they would sit shoulder to shoulder on his couch. Granted it was a smaller couch than the one he owned now, but it was still obvious what they were doing.

Scully sat up from the back of the couch to stretch and when she leaned back again, she was close enough to be touching his shoulder. He sat frozen solid as he debated with himself if that meant something or if she was doing it out of old habit.

While she watched the movie, his eyes wandered over her profile, admiring the curve of her nose and fullness of her lips. He remembered looking at her this way when they were younger and how everyone but them could see it. The fact that they had aged was evident on both of their faces, but she was still as beautiful as ever. His heart swelled with emotion to the point where it hurt to keep looking at her so he had to look away and focus his attention back on the movie.

Because of the fact that she hadn’t moved away after a few minutes and that he had nothing left to lose, he lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. He could feel her tense up for a moment and he momentarily closed his eyes, immediately regretting putting his arm around her. But then she relaxed against him and placed a hand on his thigh. Mulder couldn’t figure out what she was trying to do, but he rubbed at her shoulder, tugging her closer against him anyway. With her this close, he could tell that she was wearing the same perfume she’s always worn.

His eyes were on the screen, but he wasn’t absorbing a single second of the movie. He was all too aware of Scully leaning against him and the hand on him that was now dangerously running up and down the length of his thigh. There was clearly something on her mind, but he wasn’t going to be the one to make that leap just in case he was completely missing her intentions with a touch like that.

However, he wasn’t afraid to at least dip his toe in by pressing his lips to the top of her head. She lifted her head then and he took the opportunity to press a soft kiss to her temple with his face momentarily scrunched up like it was painful. He rested his forehead against her temple, willing himself to stop kissing her before he crossed any boundaries.

But then suddenly she was straddling his lap and pressing her lips hard against his. He leaned his head back to pull away from the kiss and furrowed his brows at her. “Scully, what are y--” She was kissing him again and rolling her hips forward against him, pulling out a deep moan from him. They kissed like it was only thing keeping them alive for a few minutes. When she slowed the kisses down, her lips brushed against his as she whispered to him, “Please, I need this.”

That was all it took for him stand up while lifting her up and turned around to semi-gently toss her back onto the couch. He then grabbed her arm and had her turn around so she was facing away from him and on her knees. His hand pressed the middle of her back until she also bent over.

They were almost never this rough with each other, but there was so much pent up tension and frustration inside them both that they needed to release it like this. Mulder tugged her pants and underwear down to her knees and knelt down. His hands were on her ass and spreading her open so he could bury his face between her legs. Scully gasped and arched her back so she was pushing back against his face.

 _God, I miss this_.

Mulder felt he could only keep this up for a few minutes more. Her moans and gasps were making it too difficult to keep his heart out of this. _Keep it quick and dirty and not like the love making we used to make_ . _It’ll be easier that way when she leaves_.

So, he stood up and pulled his pants and underwear down just enough to pull his length out. “Scully, is this okay?”

“Yes, Mulder… would you just please?” She lifted her knees momentarily to push her pants off all the way and braced herself by placing both of her hands on the back of the couch.

He lined himself up before sinking his length deep inside of her, a groan coming from them both. It had only been a few months, but it felt like ages since he last felt her tight around him. After the initial wave of pleasure rushed over him, he gripped tight onto her hips and began thrusting hard against her.

Except after a minute or so of trying to keep his emotions out of it, his movements began to slow and he released his grip on her hips. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her torso and leaned forward to rest his cheek against her back. He took a few deep breaths to collect himself before Scully pushed back against him, urging him to continue.

The only way he knew how to have sex with her was lovemaking.

This wasn’t just about him and he felt it would be selfish if he were the only one to come from it. He also felt it was one of the only ways he could show he still loved her without actually saying it. One of his hands lowered and reached between her legs to rub circles on her clit. Mulder was able to draw an orgasm out of her just seconds before his own. _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

He pulled out of her and tugged on his pants before collapsing onto the couch, feeling totally spent.

 

* * *

 

They didn’t say a word to each other as Scully went to the bathroom to clean herself up. She sat down on the toilet and immediately started to cry for the second time that night, but this time she made sure to stay quiet so Mulder couldn’t hear her. They had already hurt each other enough, she didn’t need to also make him feel guilty.

It was a mistake having sex with him. She knew it would be a mistake the moment she put herself in his lap, but there was nothing that could have stopped her. She hated how much she missed him and had to tell herself it would get better in time as long as they didn’t continue having sex no matter how much she missed him. It went entirely against every reason why she had to leave him in the first place. They both needed time apart to properly heal the wounds that had been left festering for years.

After about fifteen minutes, she emerged from the bathroom and found Mulder asleep on the couch. Even though it was late and she really didn’t want to drive home, she decided it would be better than facing him in the morning after what they did. So quietly, she grabbed her now full suitcase and left.


End file.
